Big Feelings: Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Regulation at Home

Have you noticed that your child has difficulty navigating big emotions? While difficulty with emotional regulation is typical throughout multiple stages of child development, it can impact family dynamics and create challenges within the home. As a parent, it can be stressful when you're unsure of how to best support your child. In this blog post, Sarah Lodato, a licensed therapist in New Jersey, discusses strategies for engaging with your child in a way that promotes emotional regulation skills.

How the Parent-Child Relationship Shapes A Child’s Emotional Regulation

The American Psychological Association emphasizes that a trusting, stable and supportive relationship between parent and child  builds a foundation for children to develop their emotional management skills. Part of this process includes creating an environment where emotions are explored and validated, so your child feels comfortable and safe to share their perspective. Children learn how to name and share their emotions based on how the adults in the home express and manage their feelings, this is important for parents to keep in mind. 

Strategies for Modeling Emotional Regulation 

Consistent communication is crucial in supporting children’s emotional regulation. Adults and caregivers who interact regularly with the child should engage in consistent communication both amongst themselves and their children. The American Psychological Association affirms the most effective strategy is talking to children at eye-level, reinforcing rules and boundaries consistently, and validating emotions by expressing understanding and showing empathy. Because children learn through observation of behaviors, it is also imperative that adults in the home model the communication and emotional regulation skills that they want their children to engage in. This may look like a parent taking a deep breath or removing themselves when they are angry or upset and need to de-escalate. Another example may be a parent apologizing to their child after raising their voice and explaining why they had gotten upset.

With routine and stability, adults will be able to more easily identify any patterns of difficulty that the child experiences while navigating difficult emotions. In addition, adults and caregivers can collaborate with the child to discuss possible courses of action when they feel stuck and uncomfortable. Suggestions may include asking an adult for help, expressing difficulty, taking a break, punching a pillow, etc. Providing multiple options should allow the child to choose different outlets, depending on the emotion they are struggling to regulate through at that time. Taking the time to problem solve with your child will help them improve those skills and build their confidence, while showing them that you are understanding of their perspective and needs. 

Seeking Additional Support

Seeking additional support from a therapist can also be helpful when you find that your child is struggling with emotional regulation. A therapist can help your child learn to identify their emotions, reinforce coping skills, and provide an additional safe space for your child to voice their perspective. A therapist can also support you as a parent to build your own repertoire of coping and emotional regulation skills, develop communication strategies, and provide helpful information on childhood development.